Theology Pub – Colonel Gin Saves the Day or ‘Clothing Optional’

My hand was on Colonel Gin’s shoulder.

“Colonel I don’t have to stress upon you the importance of this mission.  If you fail Captain Rum and his merry band will have the run of this pub for the next month.  You must stop him so choose your next move carefully.  Everything hangs in the balance.”

The Colonel nodded and stared intently straight ahead.  He was ready for death and cannon fire.

The Colonel bent forward, studied the situation intently for several minutes and then moved his Queen’s Knight revealing a discovered checkmate on Rum’s King.

“Checkmate Rum!”

A cheer broke out among the assembled throng.  It was a completely unexpected move and caught everyone off guard, including Rum. The colonel was receiving his well deserved accolades when Rum stood and bowed.

‘Well played as always Colonel, I salute you.”

“You played well Rum, I had to be subtle about setting that one up.  So, you will honor our agreement?”

“Of course, I promise not to attack the pub for all the month of June.”

I breathed a huge sigh of relief.  I knew Captain Rum was a man of his word.  It bought me at least another month of peace.  His last pillaging had caused a little fuss.  I hoped our arranged chess match at the beginning of each month would solve the problem.  Colonel Gin had never been defeated so I had high hopes Rum would never get another chance.

“So how is he outfitting going Rum?”, I asked.

‘Thanks to your pub’s generous ‘donation’ we will be underway in a week.  All I am waiting for is the new figurehead of my sister.”

“I wish you well.  Well Colonel, I promised you a favor if you won, so whenever you want one just ask.”

“I know, I want it now.”

“Now?”

“Yes, I know you are trying to consider whether this is will be a ‘clothing optional’ or ‘nudity required’ pub, ole boy.  I would like it to be ‘clothing optional’.”

I frowned, but my word was also important to me so…

“Very well, ‘Clothing optional’ it is.  May I ask why?”

“Certainly ole boy, I just can’t see myself walking in here with nothing but my monocle.”

I nodded, I can see his point.

I turned and headed back to the bar where Tequila was stroking Pint’s ears.  On the bar were two signs which read ‘clothing optional beyond this point” and ‘nudity required past this point’.  I scowled at both of them for a moment. Picking up the second, I tossed it in the trash and then took the first over to the door and put it up.  It was an action that really changed nothing about what was going on in the pub.  It just made what was going on in the pub official.

“Sorry Boss, looks like people can where clothes or not as they choose.”

“That’s not why I am scowling, Tequila.  I know I am missing an opportunity here and it bothers me.”

Truth was it really didn’t matter.  How the heck would I know if a person was naked at their computer or not when they came to the pub.  It would actually be difficult to enforce the rule that people strip down before they log on.  Better just to leave it free to let the customer decide.

“Opportunity?”

“Truth be told.  I only planned on nudity being required for a couple of days. Long enough to see you and Pina Colada’s tattoos.”

“Boss! How shocking,” she said in mock disgust.

“Guess I will have to remain in the dark.”

“Not completely, the Pub’s first beach party is coming up soon.  Chances are you will definitely get to see Pina Colada’s tattoo.”

“She wears a bikini then? Odd for a shy quiet girl.”

“No boss, that section of beach were rented for the night is also ‘clothing optional’ just like the pub.  Pina is a naturist;  She wouldn’t miss a chance to read naked outdoors.”

Yep, definitely the ‘naughty’ librarian type my Pina Colada.

“Well then, what about you Tequila, aren’t you coming to the party?”

“Oh yes, but I am not a naturist.  I prefer to keep some things secret.”

“I won’t be naked either boss”, chimed in Margarita who walked up, “I will be wearing a single piece swimsuit and getting in some strokes in the water.  I have a triathlon to train for so might as well take advantage of the water”

“I have already seen your tattoo; it is still a fond memory.”

“Good, because it is going to stay a memory for a long time.”

I sighed deeply, time to head for the wine cellar.  Closing and locking the door behind me, I began to strip down raw.  I had discovered the process of making my theological brews was much more relaxing if I was naked.  I jumped in the vat of grapes that was soon to be the next Life of Christ batch and began to stomp around.  I began to realize that being a closet nudist was cutting down on my laundry bill, but it really was having no carnal rewards at all.  That’s probably a good thing.  Maybe.

Welcome to All Things Rabyd, your friendly neighborhood ‘clothing optional’ theology pub.  It is rumored that these posts have more of an intoxicating effect if read in the nude.  We at All Things Rabyd can neither confirm nor deny these rumors but there seems to be no harmful side effects for trying it out.  Please read your theology responsibly or have a designated driver to get you home.  I, your bartender and the Rabyd Theologian, thank you for stopping by.  Please come again anytime.  Blessings and Cheers!!!