I do apologize for not writing more on the blog. I have been engaged in writing for National Novel Writing Month and for the most part have kept up with the daily task of meeting word counts for that. I also have been fighting my disappointment of not being elected to the school board again. It is a mental thing this writing stuff. I however have had some pretty good moments in the middle of challenges like this. I however should forge ahead with the blog regardless of how I feel. Writing is part art and art flows from feelings. I just don’t like to put the art up that flows from the feelings of anger, depression and disappointment so I also don’t like to display this part of my life even in my writing.
The mental side of writing is interesting to me. I know some of the great writers faced major depression and other major life challenges on a mental and emotional level. It enabled them to be transparent with their feelings. I have never been good at that. Perhaps if that is one area of my mentality that changes where I say to people: ‘”this is how I really feel” and it is truly uncensored and raw, people would be more moved to understand and react to what I am saying.
The problem with this is that I did this a long time ago and people took it badly. They said I was being self-centered and not considering their feelings. The problem is what they wanted was for me to not be transparent, not raw and to keep my emotions censored so they didn’t have to see the pain they were causing me. It cost me heavily back then. My raw naked emotions and writing invoke strong feelings and perhaps this is too dangerous. I however feel that sooner or later I have to vent or I will end up destroying myself.
Writing is my art, I may not be the greatest at it, but it is my creative side coming to the surface and with that comes my feelings, aspirations and disappointments. It is the raw naked side of myself if I choose to let people see it in all its truth. The problem is what will that cost me? It is something I wrestle with every day. How much do a show so it costs me only what I want it to and yet have a way to let my emotions show.
I will try to get back on track her with the blog. I am getting close to a Theology Pub post but also I am not going to go back and try to do the things I missed this week. Just pick it up form here. I apologize to those that do regularly read my stuff and enjoy it, but it has been a hard week for me personally. I hope people keep my in their prayers.
Blessings and Cheers!