I do apologize for no writing more last week but a lot of things have conspired together to make this a difficult week as far as life direction for me. It is not just the lost election that did this but a lot of personal reflection right now about my life in general. Although as far as writing I have kept up with NaNoWriMo pretty well. I am a little behind now having taken Sunday off from pretty much everything but preaching but more on that in a bit. Let’s get into the rundown.
Finances – Honestly this dominates a lot of my time and thinking. Being a middle age man I guess you start to think about how you are going to retire more and right now retirement would never be an option. Looking around me there are also not a lot of opportunities to improve this situation other than take a second church and be like a circuit riding Methodist, find another slob job which I know I would hate or go back to school and learn something useful and I could make a decent living at for the next 15 to 20 years. The last option is the most appealing but if I could find a second church in the meantime to help with current expenses. I just have no idea what I would go into though. I might need a little advice.
Family – Honestly the thing that really has come to light with family is not my living family but the ones who have already left. My grandma died recently and was buried in the same cemetery that my father is buried. I had to walk across his grave to get to when my grandmother was buried. I have to say it was the real reason I went as my grandma and I had a falling out many years ago. Before you label me a bad grandson, I let you know she basically told me that my life had been wasted by pursuing the ministry, my kids were not proper pastor’s kids and none of them would amount to anything. Needless to say after that I haven’t gone to see her unless I have to. I just didn’t want to have more to forgive her for. That’s just the kind of lady she was and we just didn’t get along. I do feel a sense of loss at her passing but it is simply an extension of the sense of loss I have felt for a long time because of our poor relationship. The real moment for me was standing by my father’s grave and realizing it had been 20 years since his death. He had been 50 years old and as I near that mark I often wonder how proud he would be of what I have done. I also wonder how my life would have been different had he continued to live. I also wonder how much time I have left myself. It has become a motivating moment for me to sort this out as there are a lot of things I need to sort out soon.
Celebration – Not much to celebrate for me these days. I am happy for the Reed City Coyotes football team for taking their first District Championship, hopefully many more to follow. That said I did lose an election and have watched a lot of things I wanted to happen not happen. You don’t celebrate these things, you try to learn from them and change things so they come out better next time.
Spiritual Disciplines – Lot of time to meditate and pray this week. Probably why I haven’t blogged as much.
Ministry – I preached twice this Sunday. Once at my church and the second time to fill a pulpit who right now does not have a pastor. It was an interesting tale of two churches and I will leave it at that. Other than to say I now know I can do two churches on a Sunday.
Leadership – I lost the election. It seems hard to say and there is still a measure of disbelief in my mind as to why this has happened. I have never gotten any hate mail, received praise from multiple quarters for the job I did and have been Vice President for three years. Honestly in some ways I am baffled more than I am disappointed. It was a close race and I knew someone had to lose but I didn’t think it would be me. I however do not think this is the end for me in politics, I just get a year or two to reset what I want to achieve. I also now have to truly consider this thing called political parties if I want to continue or do I run as an independent? Something to think about this week.
In a couple of months my term will end and I will be free at least for now from my obligations. In an interesting moment of irony, if I wanted to I could pack up and start over somewhere else. There is really nothing to hold me here other than love. I love my mom and I do feel my daughter and middle child could take care of her pretty well, as her only child I feel a sense of obligation to look after her in the absence of my father. I love my church so I have no desire to leave them. It is just I feel in some ways my own life is being shortchanged from what it could be if I just pursued something for myself. There are a lot of things I wanted this past year and I can’t seem to think of any one of them that I have achieved right now. Time for more prayer and meditation I think.
Blessings and Cheers!