Disclaimer: The subject of this post is human sexuality in the context of Christian belief. It is intended for mature audiences. If you are under the age of 18 you should have your parents read it and judge if it is appropriate for you to read. Parents, lighten up about this with your teens because quite frankly I am trying to undo a lot of Christian mistakes in informing and educating people about sex. You have been warned and encouraged, enter at your own risk. Also, I am by no means a sexual expert, just a guy who has been married to the same woman for 25 plus years and a pastor who has for what ever reason been exposed to a lot of sexual issues during his ministry. If you don’t find your answer here, keep searching there is probably someone out there that has it.
Even in marriage, sex cannot be about becoming more one flesh or finding some deeper intimacy with each other on a spiritual plane. Sometimes sex is just about sex and that is OK. I think if there is anything that my study of marriage and sexuality it is that most of the time Christian couple is always working too hard to achieve that perfect moment where everything comes together and it is romantic, spiritual and damn good sex all at the same time. The fact is these moments are so rare that when they do happen you recognize them for how rare they really are. To be honest, they happen in those times of life where you actually get spend a day or two in bed together and those don’t happen often. Most of the time married sex is about Lust in its proper channel from a Biblical perspective.
In large part sex is a great metaphor for marriage itself. There is the ideal marriage that the Bible portrays but we all understand that it is a lot of work to reach that pinnacle of intimacy on all levels. Sex does much the same thing in that most of the time it is good but if you were to ask yourself if it was the best sex every you would say no. You would also have to say you would still take it for what it is. Marriage can be like that too as time is precious and we often don’t have the time to build up to the perfect marriage moments like we would like to have. I say again this is OK.
The problem is if you are only happy with your marriage or you sex life when everything is perfect you are going to be going backwards in your intimacy because to be honest intimacy grows stronger under duress or when it isn’t perfect. What I ma trying to say it is better to have good sex often than perfect sex once or twice a year. Much like it is better to have a good solid marriage all the time than a perfect one a few days a year. You actually have a greater difficulty in finding perfection in nothing, than in good most of the time. Perfect sex and marriage is built on good sex and good marriage, not on nothing.
it is the raw savage lustful sex in marriage that leads you to understand one another as genuine human beings who just like to copulate from time to time than this high-minded super spiritualized version of sexuality that can cause one to be frustrated far more often. It would be far better for a couple to engage in sex in those moments when they can rather than set things up so they can be perfect once a month. Sometimes it is just about screwing and that is just as spiritual in some ways and the perfect making love moment.
From a practical view of it, it is the quickies, the being grabbed by the hand and pulled to bed for a ten minute screw and the quick sex in the back of a car that sets the context on which deeper and more intimate sexuality can be build. It takes the atmosphere of a lack of fear of intimacy to actually have an intimate moment. Remember that the next time it feels like lust instead of love. In the context of The Christian Marriage Bed that is OK.