“How in the world do you get this into town?”
“Simple. Just towed it right in during the Memorial Day parade yesterday and then backed it off the trailer into the warehouse here.”
I was stunned as I looked up at a M48 Patton Battle Tank. It was fully functional and was loaded for bear. I knew Colonel Gin was resourceful but this was amazing.
“I arranged it while you were gone. The Silver Shields felt we might need the firepower should a second pub war start up. They are also the ones who put in the tunnel from the cellar of the pub to this warehouse.”
The tunnel is what I had come down to get here. This whole Silver Shields operation was petty much putting a lot of resources our direction and if the expected another war I was pretty much going to agree with them. I also was predicting this was going a bigger fight than the last one. The tunnel wasn’t just a simple tunnel that spanned about two blocks to this warehouse which was still mostly empty. It was wide enough to drive a car down and had multiple rooms off the sides from time tot time. No Matter what this town and my pub were now highly important to them and would be into the future.
“Well, this thing should even the odds a bit if nothing else.”
“Boss, it isn’t just the tank. This little warehouse is going to be a regular arsenal when we get down with it. It’s along the waterfront so we can use it to supply and upgrade the pirate ships and we are gong to bring in a patrol boat of our own. This is going to be a secret army base to be blunt. Next war were going to kick ass as much as we can. No more ‘defense only’ next time.”
I smiled. Colonel Gin still sported his British Army officers uniform from the late 1800s but he talked like a modern warrior. I had to admit he was doing a great job as my XO. Tequila was my head of intelligence, Margareta was head of operations and Captain Rum had the distinctions of being my supply guy. The five of us were the command team. Rum’s pirate ships were pretty good at procuring and delivering supplies by sea and now people wouldn’t even know we were doing it most of the time.
This warehouse was one of those big secret weapons we needed. The Shields had just tunneled from the pub directly and right through the floor of the warehouse. The access to the dock was completely walled off. Every effort had been made to make it look abandoned from the outside. The main door was well oiled but it was disguised with rust and corrosion on the outside. There were concealed cameras on the outside that monitored everyone who got close to the place and if they got too close they were encouraged to be elsewhere by stealthy means. The ships would unload at night and the whole thing was not going to have any visible trucks going in and out of it. The only exception had been the delivery of the tank which was simply very heavy, but no one saw it except us. The truck even drove out of town with a lifelike inflatable mock up so no one unless they looked real close would have thought anything about it. So far the warehouse was a well kept secret and we intend to keep it that way for as long as possible.
“So how are you an Tequila getting along so far.”
“Lots of talking and lots of sex. Two major improvements over my first marriage. I loved my first wife don’t get me wrong, but the intimacy level fell off at the end there. I mean I spent my 25th anniversary drinking at the pub.”
“Well, that’s good. So do you think about your first wife?”
‘I do, but I don’t compare any more than I can help it. Its bound to happen but they are simply different women. She was very business like. Tequila is as well but far more passionate about me. I felt at the end me and my first wife were more in a business arrangement. I don’t feel that at all with Tequila. She definitely has a lot more emotion in it.”
“And she is younger.”
“Yeah, I have 18 years on her, but that just keeps me younger too. I have to keep up.”
Gin laughed, “Brandy does the same for me.”
I went back to inspecting the warehouse. It would be a great place to prepare and build up what we needed. I headed back down through the tunnel to the pub. I got behind the bar and began to wipe it down. I looked up to survey the pub and there was my blushing bride talking to a man who was definitely taking an more than passing interest in her cleavage. I kept calm and waited. In the end she thanked the guy for what ever compliment he had just given her and then said something flashing her wedding band. The guy backed down like a wilting flower. Yep, she was definitely proud to be married to me.
I looked around and for the first time since coming home the place felt normal. Behind me was the nude painting of Miss Wine but now next to it was my silver shield from my adventure. Under the bar were my two weapons. Joining my BFG was a short sword that was almost an exact copy of my sword from my fantasy adventure. I had it made with a nice scabbard and belt to go with it. Pint was sleeping in his bed; the other two girls we busing around waiting tables. Miss Wine, Scotch, Brandy, Professor Bourbon were all joking at one table; the only one of them that was dressed was Scotch who was wearing his kilt. I watched Colonel Gin walk up from downstairs and sit down across from Captain Rum at the chess table. Campeche was in the corner talking to some dwarves and elves. The pixies were zipping around leaving behind short glowing contrails. The rest of the pub was full with nudists, topfree women, clothed businessmen, fantasy creatures of all types and a few aliens as well as workers from the docks, along with many others who were just enjoying a good drink of theology and pleasant conversation before they headed home back to their lives.
Tequila approached me probably with a drink order.
“Boss, I need two Life of Christ, One Book of Rabyd and One “Is Hell Justified?” for table four.”
“Coming right up,” I said pouring the theology into glasses.
“So what did you say to that guy?”
“Oh, he was just saying something about how he admired my tits, strange since there are so many he could look at in this place that are not covered up.”
“I told him that I would have to mention it to my husband the next time he fondled them. I also said something about my husband sleeping with a gun.”
I laughed and gave her the drinks on a serving tray.
“So which one of these is for that guy?”
“The one on Hell.” She smiled again.
“Did you warn him how hot that drink is?”
“No and I am not going to.”
You know with all the weapons I have in this place and in the warehouse, I mean I have a tank now for god sake, I think the enemy should fear Tequila the most. I mean she is smart, sneaky, sexy and powerful all in the same package and she loves me. I think that makes me one of the safest guys on the planet.
I watched the guy take a drink, get red all over and nearly choke trying to find a glass of milk which Tequila did eventually supply but she walked the whole time to the dispenser and back. He drank down the milk choking the whole time. Tequila said something to him, he tried to respond but couldn’t. Good thing Pint was sleeping, or he would have probably have gotten growled at on top of it all.
I chuckled. Yep I was definitely the safest guy in the world with the best wife to protect me.
Welcome to All Things Rabyd, your friendly neighborhood ‘clothing optional’ theology pub. I, the Rabyd Theologian and your bartender, thank you for stopping by. Please drink your theology responsibly or have a designated driver to get you home. Please tip your waitress and they might give you a kiss on the cheek. Just remember life is short so enjoy it. Blessings and Cheers!