The whole death of my dog Gabriel has put me in a sense of grief but one of the things I need to do is refocus on why I took this sabbatical in the first place. I made a list of ten things I wanted to accomplish and so I think the best way to keep myself accountable is to report on this in every journal entry type post.
- In the words of U2 – “I still haven’t found what I am looking for.”
- So far I have been able to keep church thoughts out of my mind. It is other people who keep bringing it up and that is the problem.
- I had a long conversation and an open house with an old friend and it comes down to the fact that the thing that appeals to me the most is being a professor and that means a lot more schooling and a Ph. D.
- No progress on the book. Been too busy or too grieving.
- Doing well in fitness – nutrition is really clean, lifting is getting more intense and my hikes are really enjoyable.
- I have done some hiking planning but mostly it is about getting more details for next years trip.
- No problem resting. I may be getting too much.
- Starting the process of cleaning and dejunking very soon. The thing is I am busy a lot until after the 19th and then I need to get going. No reason though I can’t get the garage done before we leave for the wedding.
- Blog is normal, need to start doing the extra stuff soon.
- Graduation down, anniversary up next, wedding next week.
As I look at the above I think I am getting some things done. The effort must be placed more on my book and cleaning. I keep checking on number one about finding what I am missing but so far I am not even sure how to start.
It should be said that this has been a hard week because of putting down Gabe. There is still a certain empty spot in my life right now in his absence. I miss his floppy ears and wagging tail and how he would greet me with a howl. I have taken to carrying his collar on my hikes. I miss his presence and that is the hard thing. That symbiotic empathy in our relationship is gone and it is simply not going to come back. I know the stages of grief and I oscillate between anger and acceptance right now. I am adjusting in some respects but I think I miss the simple fact that a few days ago I could drop my arm down while writing these posts and find a dog there who I could pet his ears and feel a little calmer and more at peace. That is gone. Now I just have to find a new way to find that peace.
Blessings and Cheers!!!