Theology Pub – A Bottle of Theology

 

The annual 4th of July 4th clothing optional Beach Party had gone off without a hitch.  There was really nothing unusual to report as it could be summed up in “everyone showed up in the buff, ate, drank, played, sun bathed and then watched the fireworks go off.”  It was a great time had by all and in the end it was significant only in that for another straight year it took place.

Now some time later the lazy and hot days of summer started to take place but it was not lazy in my cellar.  I had been processing a new wine vintage and so it was necessary to taste test some of it. Because this part of my business is important to more than me, I took some of the taste testing work home with me.  Tequila and Connie found that they rather enjoyed this part of the job.  Pint as well.

So there I was facing and interesting scene in the mansion where my wives, me and Pint were all drinking the latest batch.  All of us were stripped down to the skin and I must admit there is something alluring about a woman who is lounging on a couch naked with a glass of prime theology in her hand and the bottle in front of her.  I must say that I found myself drinking in the sights of my two lovely brides as much as I was drinking in the new vintage.

I have said this many times that theology has the same effect on the human mind as alcohol.  It can cause euphoria when taken in small doses but it can if taken too seriously lead to coma and death.  Moderate amounts of theology are great as they lead to people being more sociable and being more self-confident.  Drink to much of the stuff and you just become a pain in the ass theology drunk that can end up hurting yourself and others.  That said my brews always have a special kick to them that is purely my own.  People sometimes like it, sometimes they don’t.

In any case, the taste testing continued and I brought out a particular vintage at the end of the night that I had been saving for a while and so when we got to our nightly bedtime ritual I said there was going to be an exception that evening and we all headed to my room, uncorked the large bottle I had brought and then proceeded to toast our family with a glass.  Then of course Tequila had a toast and then Connie and then just for good measure we poured another round to simulate Pint giving a toast.  We even gave him his own glass.  Needless to say after four glasses of the stuff for each of us we were shall I say a little tipsy.

I will not relate what happened the rest of that night other than when I woke up in the morning I had both my wives in bed with me.  I was in the middle and there was one of them on each side of me.  I had an arm around each of them and they were positioned in such a way that they were holding hands across my chest with their fingers interlocked.  At the foot of the bed Pint was sleeping with a quiet doggie dream buzzing through his head.  It was a good feeling in a good moment.

It is amazing what a bottle of theology and being with the ones you love can do.  I haven’t felt this good in a long time.  The wars with vampires were behind me.  Maybe their were some more in the future but for right now I was joyful, recovered and back to the things I enjoy most – brewing theology, making love to my wives and embracing liberty.

Welcome to All Things Rabyd, your friendly neighborhood ‘clothing optional’ theology pub.  I, the Rabyd Theologian and your bartender, thank you for stopping by.  Please drink your theology responsibly or have a designated driver to get you home.  Please tip your waitress and they might give you a kiss on the cheek.  Just remember life is short so enjoy it.  Blessings and Cheers!!!

Theology Pub – Beach Day

It had been a normal few weeks at the pub.  My two wives and myself had decided some R&R was in order as we had been working hard ever since we got back.  The 4th of July Beach Party was next week and we knew that the preparations and such would be taking up a vast majority of our time so we decided to get a pre-break in before the madness descended.  We packed up a picnic lunch and headed to the beach.  Pint jumped in the car at the last-minute which kind of shocked me but I went with it.  Not like I had any choice anyway.

The Pub had been bouncing as both the inside and the outside courtyard had been full of patrons for weeks.  It was warm to hot as far as weather so most of the patrons were exercising the ‘clothing optional’ part of the pub and for many days a sort of heat wave hit so only me and the barmaids were clothed for a few days but even the girls were wearing their more revealing courtyard outfit even inside. My girls kept up with the demand for my theology and I had to spend the rest of my time in my cellar brewing everything from my simplest stuff to Blood Moon Wine to keep the Silver Shields supplied.  As Independence Day approached though things began to die down.  Tequila, Connie and Myself felt things had died down enough so we decided today was a day to beat a hasty retreat and get some well needed rest.

We headed to the nude beach (nudity required which cuts down on numbers of tourists) and after shedding our clothes we set up blanket, large umbrella, chairs and a small pillow for Pint beside my chair.  I collapsed into my chair and broke out a book.  The ladies together dropped the cooler down which contained, cold fried chicken, sandwiches, brews and wine coolers.  They served up Pint three bowls of beer which he promptly drank one of and then curled up and fell asleep.  He was positioned right so that while I was reading I could drop down one arm and scratch his ears.

The girls went right to work trying to get a tan line free tan.  They would rotate together and take turns putting sunscreen on each other.  I of course simple took it all in that two beautiful and lovely women who also happened to be both my wives were getting along so well and enjoying each others company.  After an hour though they both rubbed sunscreen on each other one more time and jumped up and headed into the surf.  I pretended to place my book down and nod off but the truth is I was watching my lovelies play in the surf.  I was glad that when I put down my book that it had indeed covered up the fact that I was indeed aroused.

Pint woke up and after downing his second beer took off to play with girls.  I love those beagle ears when be was bounding as it makes him look like he is flying.  Pint took turns chasing the girls and they chased them. After a while though they came back and flung themselves down exhausted.  Pint soon followed and after drinking his last bowl of beer curled up again and took a nap.  I myself renewed reading my book.

At roughly noon we had the chicken and sandwiches and the brews.  We also had some bottled water to keep up our hydration.  The afternoon consisted of me getting off my chair and taking turns cuddling each of them and engaging in small talk.  Soon I found myself in between both of them cuddling me on each side.  Pint finally woke up and ate the sandwich we had saved for him.

As the sun started to set we gathered up out things and headed home to the mansion.  I was about to send the driver to the pub with Pint but he hopped out and ran up the steps into our home.

“You suppose he gets lonely without us Boss?”

“Could be, but regardless he is a friend so make up a bed for him.”

“No need, he can sleep with which ever of us isn’t with you.”

It became a strange thing how Pint seemed to not only adopt the Pub as his favorite place but our home as his as well.  It began to pan out exactly as Tequila had predicted and Pint became part of the bedtime tradition.  He would follow all three of us up the stairs.  The girl who was sleeping alone that night would kiss me and then he would follow her to her bedroom.  One night I peeked in and there he was curled up on the corner of the bed sleeping.  After that night in a purely platonic sense nobody slept alone anymore.

Perhaps he is lonely or maybe he just likes to dwell with people.  Even though he is eternal, Pint seems to have a great fondness for people who love him and wants to be with them.  I walked in that night and kissed him on the head.  He opened one eye slightly but once he saw me he fell back to sleep.  He then went into a dream where it looked like he was chasing something.  I grinned and went back to my room.  If he wanted to stay here with us til we all were gone – he was always welcome.

Welcome to All Things Rabyd, your friendly neighborhood ‘clothing optional’ theology pub.  I, the Rabyd Theologian and your bartender, thank you for stopping by.  Please drink your theology responsibly or have a designated driver to get you home.  Please tip your waitress and they might give you a kiss on the cheek.  Just remember life is short so enjoy it.

Theology Pub – Lucky Dog?

It had been a while but it was just a normal day at the pub.  I was finishing up wiping down some glasses behind the bar.  My girls were all working tables as it was a decent night for activity.  Earlier I had finished up some brews and the whole thing was just well – nice.  The supernatural evil radar was blank and it looked like for once the Silver Shields were going to have a slow week.

“What a lucky dog.”

The voice belonged to Tequila and she was probably referring to Pint who was curled up in his usual place and snoring lightly as he was sleeping off a couple of beers.

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, look at him.  He lays about all day and drinks beer.  When he is not doing that he is wandering around the pub looking up skirts, well when the patrons are wearing them anyway, and leaping on female laps for attention.  Otherwise, he spends his time trying to get in some mischief and his owner let’s him get away with it.”

“I own Pint as much as the government owns the next galaxy.  He is his own dog and I couldn’t stop him from doing what he does anyway.  Remember when the dog catcher tried to get him.  Net went right through him.  Besides if I was a dog I would spend my time doing pretty much what he does.  I however would not say Pint is as lucky as you claim.”

“Why?”

“He is immortal and that kind of flips the tables on the whole human-canine thing.  He has had more people than I have had dogs and that means he is the one who experiences grief over and over again when he loses a person he loves while we get off from grieving by dying.  Normally it is the other way around.”

“Immortal?  How?”

“He is the spirit of liberty and freedom.  As long as someone believes in those things and has a place for them in their life, he lives on.  I will be long gone and some other bloke will be serving his theology here and he will bumming beer off that guy. Immortality though is really not a desirable state unless everyone has it.  Otherwise grief from death makes living forever pretty hard while others die around you.  Pint has experienced loss and grief many times but such is the price for immortality.”

“Like vampirism?”

“No.  Vampirism is a false immortality.  It allows a person to live on this world as long as the world keeps going.  One day it will end and the vampires will cease to exist.  Pint will always live.  His immortality is true immortality.  But all immortality in a sense has a price tag.”

“Like being left behind all the time when others die?”

‘Yep.  Immortality is only really beneficial when everyone has it.  Then no one gets left behind.”

Tequila seemed satisfied. She went back to serving drinks and I looked down once more at Pint.  “Them that die will be the lucky ones.”  Long John Silver probably was more a theologian that he thought.  I was glad for the fact that I would never have to bury Pint.  The thought of having to put him down was more than I could bear.  Liberty and freedom are after all valuable commodities and Pint was a really good dog.

Welcome to All Things Rabyd, your friendly neighborhood ‘clothing optional’ theology pub.  I, the Rabyd Theologian and your bartender, thank you for stopping by.  Please drink your theology responsibly or have a designated driver to get you home.  Please tip your waitress and they might give you a kiss on the cheek.  Just remember life is short so enjoy it.

Theology Pub – Railroad Trip Home

As we checked out, both my wives had an inspired idea to get us home and that was to ride the country’s one rail line that went from the southern tip of the island where we were back to the side of the city where the pub was.  It ran straight through the middle of the country instead of the west side like we had come down when we came to the Tiki Resort.  I haven’t been on the thing but it was said to be one of those 1940s engines pulling similarly vintage passenger cars.  Kind of nostalgia thing and it seemed to be doing rather well.  It was the best way to see the middle of the country.

We packed our things and bid a fond farewell to the staff of the Tiki Resort and headed to the train station which also was built-in a style that reflected the age of the trains.  We bought our ticket for home and noted that we would be home by evening so we headed to the passenger cars and found a private room in the VIP car which had seats, a coffee table and a way to pull the blinds and make the room truly private.  It was going to take all day to get home so we decided to make the best of it by engaging in conversation.  At mid day we were interrupted by the announcement the dinning car was serving lunch so we headed out and had a fabulous lunch.  We received no dirty looks and the nice part was most of the passengers were citizens or enlightened tourists..

After lunch we headed back to our compartment and I decided to take a nap while the girls decided to engage in games of chess.  Time passed quickly and soon we found ourselves pulling into the station of our destination.  The car was waiting for us as we disembarked.  The chauffeur loaded our stuff as we piled into the car.  Soon we were whisked away to our mansion.  We hit the door and the staff took care of our stuff.  We headed upstairs and our evening ritual included Connie kissing me and heading to her room and me bad Tequila heading for bed.

There is something about being home that was refreshing.  It was nice to wake up and not worry about clothing but just heading down to breakfast. I found the girls waiting for me and they too were skyclad.  We had a great breakfast and then we headed back upstairs to get dressed.  Time to get back to work.

Welcome to All Things Rabyd, your friendly neighborhood ‘clothing optional’ theology pub.  I, the Rabyd Theologian and your bartender, thank you for stopping by.  Please drink your theology responsibly or have a designated driver to get you home.  Please tip your waitress and they might give you a kiss on the cheek.  Just remember life is short so enjoy it.

Theology Pub – Extended Vacation

 

After clearing out the vampire cave we didn’t see Lucy-fer for the rest of our time there.  I called back home and it was quiet there as well.  Despite all of our misgivings about what was going on, I felt we had upset Lucy in her plans enough that she had retreated from us at least temporarily.  I made the executive decision to stay for an actual vacation and the girls brightened up immediately.  The Tiki Resort is after all a beautiful place even though our island climate is closer to the Midwest United States, the spring season was upon us and it was warming up outdoors.

When we first got back from the cave I had to do some emergency loving toward Connie.  She had seen her first real action against the forces of darkness and it gave her the shakes afterwards.  Tequila nodded her understanding and I took Connie into our luxury bathroom.  I personally washed her off by hand and rubbed her down with oil.  She and I then plunged into the bathtub that was obviously built for at least four people and did some marital cuddling.  Tequila joined us an hour or so later and we had a good time just relaxing and talking about our victory.  I found myself sandwiched between them both for about an hour like this and when Tequila began kissing my neck, Connie excused herself and there was then a second round (for me at least) of marital cuddling.  We all felt better and got on with our vacation.

The rest of our time at the Tiki Resort was relaxing, sunbathing (Tiki Resort is clothing optional so we took advantage of it), regular marital cuddling, sitting by the fire at night on the beach and just doing non-stressful activities ( I caught up on some reading).  I lost track of the massages I gave to each girl and the ones I received as well. The food and drink were excellent and I even put back some of my own theology brews.  The two weeks evaporated quickly and we found ourselves packing and saying goodbye to the staff and friends we made.

I can say this, it felt for the first time that we were truly married in all senses of the word.  I mean all three relationships were intimate and close.  Both of my wives were drawing close to me as spouses but the girls were also becoming best friends.  Between fighting side by side and this two weeks of being in each others company there was a much stronger bond between all of us.  I had to admit though, I was starting to miss my dog Pint and well it was time to get back and get back to work.  Theology after all does not brew itself.

Welcome to All Things Rabyd, your friendly neighborhood ‘clothing optional’ theology pub.  I, the Rabyd Theologian and your bartender, thank you for stopping by.  Please drink your theology responsibly or have a designated driver to get you home.  Please tip your waitress and they might give you a kiss on the cheek.  Just remember life is short so enjoy it.

Theology Pub – The Cave

The cave we entered smelled like warmed over death and it was dark but the light from the opening extended down enough to see for a bit.  Connie took my right side and Tequila the left as I headed down the center.  I slid my shield over my left forearm and pulled my BFG.  Connie’s crossbow was at the ready and Tequila pulled her gun.  Things felt wrong and we all felt it.  I decided to risk some light and in any case the light was swallowed up after only twenty feet.  I activated a light beam from my BFG.

I immediately wished I hadn’t.  There were several blood trails.  I followed them but they quickly got swallowed up by a pile of half eaten/half rotted body parts.  It took all I had to not lose my lunch.  Tequila looked like she was having the same struggle and Connie failed and did indeed lose her lunch.

Cannibal Vampires are not too common but I had run into them before a long ago. They basically let the animal out completely and any humanity they might have possessed, they let go.  They are monsters pure and simple and I now was beginning to understand Lucy-fer’s desire to clean this up.  I mean these vampires give her a bad name.

The Devil regardless of her form likes to portray the cool side of evil.  When a slave to her will goes over the edge, it gives her a bad name. When even the Devil thinks you’re a scumbag, you are truly a scumbag and she will most likely try to kick you to the curb and run you over with a truck.  The one thing for sure she does not want you to be representing her anymore – makes recruitment harder.  No need to think of curing them either, testing had shown feral vampires were too far gone for the Blood Wine cure

“Jesus help us.  How many do you think there are Boss?”

“A lot.”

“Thanks for the detailed information.”

“Welcome.  Connie you OK?”

“Yeah, I am going to need a bath and something to calm my stomach.”

“We all will.  Spread out slightly and lets see what we can see.”

We went forward but there was no movement.  I won’t describe the scene as it was lots of body parts in various states of consumption and decay.  There was a an overwhelming smell of death.

“You know, given the decay, I don’t think this group is as big as we thought but big enough. Girls watch it.  I have that bad feeling.”

As if on cue a scream of warning went up ahead of us.  It sounded like demons and then we saw the eyes.  Ten pairs of them and they came hurtling toward us.  There was no time to give orders or even think.  I heard Connie’s crossbow thump and Tequila’s revolver bark.  My BFG chucked out a Blood Wine grenade and then I fired its more standard ultraviolet beam.  These vampires were completely feral.  They were naked and absolutely dirty and blood stained.  I didn’t think it was possible but they smelled worse than the pile of bodies.

My grenade did what it was intended to do which was delay the vampires in the center a little as I holstered my BFG and drew my sword.  I then found myself in a world of hurt as three of the feral vampires were on me.  I put up my shield just in time and absorbed the hit from the first one while the other two tried to flank me in both directions.  They never had a chance as they suddenly were missing their heads.  The problem for me is I knew where the two shots came from and that was from behind us.  No time though as I shield bashed the vampire in front of me and then brought my sword across its neck severing its head.  I quickly assessed the situation and realized that the delayed vampires dealing with the wounds from the grenade were now no longer delayed.  Connie’s crossbow thumped again and Tequila’s revolver fired once more and then fell silent; out of ammo and she had to reload.

I put myself forward as the point of our three person arrow and took on the last three vampires.  The first fell as soon as it got in range of my blade.  I bashed the second with my shield and sent it flying and then caught the third with my shield as half a second later as its claws sent sparks flying across it. I stabbed it right in the heart and then cut its head off.  The second vampire I had bashed was back at me and staggered me when it hit me.  I fought to regain my footing and I thought I might have a problem when suddenly its head exploded.

I looked to my right and left.  Tequila was still reloading and Connie had just finished reloading.  I looked forward and saw no more pairs of eyes so I spun around.  A lone figure stepped out of the darkness.  Lucy-fer! She was wearing only a cape and nothing else.  In her hands were revolvers.  She smiled wickedly.

“Looks like you owe me your life barkeep.”

“Seeing you have tried to kill me several times in the past just consider it penance and you are still behind.”

She approached me slowly and it wasn’t lost on me she still had two guns.

“That’s far enough.”

“Oh please, if I wanted you dead I cold have done it second ago.  My goals for you and I have changed.”

“OK, what’s your game?”

“I find it much more profitable to be partners.  There is so much dirt to clean up like this which would benefit me and the Silver Shields”

“Can’t beat them, join them huh?  No Thanks.”

Her two guns disappeared in the folds of her robe. Holding out her empty hands she walked till we were face to face.

“You should reconsider.”

“Listen bitch he said ‘NO!’ what part of that don’t you understand.”  It was Connie.

“Bitch? Bold words for-”

He statement could not be completed as a crossbow bolt suddenly transfixed itself in her right shoulder.  Lucy-fer raged as she looked like she was going to reach for her guns I pulled my BFG and stuck it right in her face.

“I think you are angering my wives.  Perhaps it might be good for you to leave.”

“Yes, you’re right.  I will not forget this.”

Then she disappeared in a cloud of brimstone.

“Boss, what the hell is going on?”

“Tequila my dear, I wish I knew.”

Welcome to All Things Rabyd, your friendly neighborhood ‘clothing optional’ theology pub.  I, the Rabyd Theologian and your bartender, thank you for stopping by.  Please drink your theology responsibly or have a designated driver to get you home.  Please tip your waitress and they might give you a kiss on the cheek.  Just remember life is short so enjoy it.

Theology Pub – Tiki Resort (Part 2)

I really do not like it when evil forces my hand.  I am really a peaceful person that would just as soon be left alone.  Yes, I am here at the Tiki Resort investigating vampire activity but if the damn vampires wouldn’t have activity I wouldn’t be here.  Lucy-fer telling me to destroy some of her own was puzzling.  Probably rebels or non-conformist vampires and so I actually liked them better than Lucy-fer and her bunch of cronies. Nope, I don’t like it when people in general can’t mind their own business so when they cross the line further and tell me what to do – yeah, be ready for both barrels.

I told the girls my thoughts and they were in agreement.  Tequila felt it was a trap, Connie didn’t believe Lucy-fer would leave the resort until the job was done.  Over the next two days we set out to prove both theories but at the same time maintain our ruse as tourists.  This is where having two wives came in handy as one of them would be with me doing general observations and the other could be doing more specific leg work.

Tequila discovered from the reception desk (no. I don’t ask how) that Lucy-fer had not checked out so she was definite still here.  It took a little longer to find the vampire den and it turned out to be a couple of miles from the resort in a cave.  I was beginning to see why Lucy-fer wanted them dead – they were like school on Saturday – no class.  Lucy-fer has a reputation to maintain.  As long as you are sinning and still look cool, she can work with that and hold you up as an example of the ‘good’ life.  The moment you become more ‘human trash”, she kicks you to the curb because she does not want you spoiling her rep. These vampires were feral but sneaky and also spoiling Lucy-fer’s rep and that left me in a quandary.

In the end the girls settled my quandary.  Connie suggested that we beat them both.  Tequila suggested that because we knew this was a trap we go into it publicly and openly and then turn things around for us.  In short, we were going to kill these feral vampires in order to trap Lucy-fer when she tried to trap us.  I didn’t know if it would work but the girls were pretty adamant about killing them all if possible.  Lucy-fer herself would just re-spawn but the others would be gone permanently.  We suited up.

Connie got into her naughty little red riding hood costume with crossbow, long knife and throwing knives.  Tequila had her own working outfit.  It was basically her barmaid outfit but the short skirt version. It left her long legs and arms completely bare and she carried her 38 special (with special ammo) concealed in the back of her skirt with a long knife in one of her boots.  Her hair was done up and that concealed another knife. The ladies were loaded for bear.

I myself was not to be undone.  I pulled on my black jeans and t-shirt with my black boots.  I threw my belt around my waist that was made of leather and held my BFG, short sword and five Blood Moon Wine gas grenades.  Professor Bourbon and I had worked on a design for two bracers that I put on my wrists.  I could think of no better time to try them out as they had on the inside of them a hollow stiletto like spring-loaded knife.  When used they injected the vampire struck with a concentrated dose of Blood Moon wine.  They had five uses each I then slung my shield over my shoulders.  I was ready.

We headed out the door and off the resort.  It was a short hike to the cave.  Once we arrived, I really did not like the look of it at all. It was covered with vines but had a beaten path indicating activity.  I looked left and right to each of my girls and plunged in.

Welcome to All Things Rabyd, your friendly neighborhood ‘clothing optional’ theology pub.  I, the Rabyd Theologian and your bartender, thank you for stopping by.  Please drink your theology responsibly or have a designated driver to get you home.  Please tip your waitress and they might give you a kiss on the cheek.  Just remember life is short so enjoy it.

Theology Pub – Tiki Resort (Part 1)

When we arrived at the resort I thought it was the last place that vampires would be operating.  I mean the sounds of Spring were everywhere and that particular day it was sunny and bright.  The resort itself had its own flavor and theme and what it basically was a kind of Polynesian with grass skirts on the staff along with basic sandals.  I offer not description of what they were wearing above the waist because boy or girl they were wearing nothing. Well, everyone was wearing a lay but that doesn’t cover much.  My wives were thrilled because the resort was another clothing optional place and that mean a little more relaxing.  I also found myself competing with young tanned good-looking young men but that was all in good fun and quite obviously my wives would catch me staring from time to time.

The bell hop walked us to our suite and it was luxurious.  I had asked for the presidential suite instead of the honeymoon suite because to be honest the presidential suite has ore than one bedroom. We were gong to be there for six nights so that meant three nights with each wife and one of the other bedrooms would serve as the place of rest for the wife that was not with me.  We settled and after a few moments we headed out to the dining room.  We were still dressed in our travelling clothes but we were all pretty hungry.

The food turned out to be awesome and that was a great thing as all of use were starving.  Once we ate a little though we began to get into vampire hunter mode.  I wasn’t sure of things as I looked around but Tequila pointed out to me that several of the staff looked a little pale.  Not vampires themselves but perhaps cattle.  It was a stark contrast because the dining room was in my opinion a bright nd fun place with bongo drums and lively music.  The staff was friendly and helpful and the atmosphere basically made me thing of an island paradise.  The Tiki Resort pulled that off no matter what the actual season outside was.

Dinner went well but the only thing we could say was there was possible vampire activity and we could not verify it as such.  I faced a choice and we went back to our room.  I told the girls to enjoy the hot tub that was part of our room but keep a weapon handy.  I had seen a sauna off the pool area and decided to sweat some.  My hope was to maybe tip the vampire’s hands by us splitting up so to speak. I wrapped a towel around my waist and around my BFG and headed out.

The sauna was indeed occupied by a couple of men and a few women.  I sat down and for a few minutes things were pretty calm as the heat opened up my pores.  Then all of the people got up and left.  I inched my hand closer to my BFG under my spare towel.  I was right to be cautious.  In walked Lucy-fer.  She was sensuality gorgeous and every pore of her’s dripped sex.  She was dressed in a short skirted red robe but she shed it quickly down to her, skin grinning at me as she did it.  My first thought was honestly – “Wow, that really is her hair color.”  She moved her hips as she walked closer and sat down a mere three feet away.

“Well, we meet again barkeep.”

“You must be pretty confident of your position to come into the same room with me.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.  It is mere chance that I am here.  I am on business.”

“Apparently pleasure as well.”

“Perhaps.”

Lucy had started lightly touching herself is seductive ways across her body.  She made a particular point to stop her fingers on her nipples and had dropped her other hand so that it rested on her inner thigh very close to her womanhood.

“Well Lucy, my wives and I here on a little vacation.  I trust that once your business is concluded, you will be moving on.”

“Oh, yes.  I should be done before the evening is over and I will be leaving tomorrow, but I heard you were here so I couldn’t resist stopping by and saying hello.”

“I’m touched and honored.”

The entire conversation dripped with sarcasm, but that part I actually enjoyed.

With that I tied my waist towel back on and covertly I gripped my BFG and placed my trigger finger on the trigger while keeping it hid under the second towel.  I got up and maneuvered myself so my back never was facing her.  She smiled but remained seated.  I left the sauna and headed back to my room.

When I got back the girls were still in the hot tub so I joined them. I told them what had happened,  Connie looked agitated but she also seemed more angry than afraid.  I could see by Tequila’s face that her wheels were turning.  I was about to speak when the phone near the hot tub rang.  I picked it up.

“Barkeep.  It’s Lucy again.  I wanted to let you know that my business does not involve you.  That is the truth.  There is a rogue group of vampires here that I was thinking of exterminating.  Perhaps, you could handle that for me?  I give you the one clue I know. The resort itself has no vampires in it.  They are coming from someplace off resort and using the staff and occasionally a guest to feed. That is all I know.  Be a dear and kill them for me.”

The click that followed was abrupt before I had a chance to respond.

I relayed the conversation to my girls and they both got agitated.  I calmed them down reminding them that we need to keep our heads.  the big question is why did Lucy want these vampires dead so badly?  I am all for killing vampires; but when the Queen of vampires wants vampires dead, it seems alarming.  I also really hate it when people assume I am going to help them and Lucy had definitely done that.  I hate destroying evil and thus end up helping evil.  This was not good, definitely not good at all.

Welcome to All Things Rabyd, your friendly neighborhood ‘clothing optional’ theology pub.  I, the Rabyd Theologian and your bartender, thank you for stopping by.  Please drink your theology responsibly or have a designated driver to get you home.  Please tip your waitress and they might give you a kiss on the cheek.  Just remember life is short so enjoy it.

 

Theology Pub – Stopping for Ice Cream

I will never understand the compulsion that woman have for two things – ice cream and chocolate.  Even in the dead of winter I have found myself wandering out my front door in the middle of a blizzard to get chocolate ice cream for Connie.  The thing with both Connie and Tequila is that their were addicts to both. We hadn’t gotten five minutes down the road and Tequila remembered that we would be passing by a seaside ice cream joint and that it stayed open even in the winter.I sighed deeply and instructed the driver to stop when we got there.

It didn’t take long as our island country is only fifty miles long and twenty miles wide.  We were there in fifteen minutes and I sighed again as we went inside.  The place was warm and we were not the only ones there.  We found a round table and sat at it with me between the girls.  The waiter took our order.  Connie – a bowl of chocolate ice cream.  Tequila – a large fudge sundae.  Me – one scoop of vanilla in a bowl.  I ate in silence as the girls talked about the deserts.  It does disturb me that if the three of us were on desert island and the choice was between saving me and the last pint of chocolate ice cream…well let’s just say they would be sad to see me go.   The thing is this place has great homemade ice cream.

The social issues though reared their ugly heads as we were getting ready to leave.  I took the bill and headed to the cash register and then someone recognized me.  Now, I am not like super famous, but on a small island country the leading citizens tend to be known and I am a leading citizen in many respect although not by choice.

“Hey, your that Bartender from the capital.  Are these two your wives?”

Now the clerk was a local so he didn’t give two dingo’s kidneys that I had two wives.  He was libertarian like the rest of the citizens so whatever you do is fine with him but their were tourists present.  The gasp that filled parts of the room was instant and I simply paid for our desserts and then taking a wife on each arm headed for the door.  The glares at our back were physical.  As we left, the clerk apologized and I told him it was all right.  The incident did kill the mood a little.

I know people all over the island that do things different in their lives than most of our tourists would probably find offensive.  We have very few illegal things or activities in the area of moral choices.  The government warns and informs but does not criminalize a lot of things.  As long as you respect the rights of others, you can do what you want for the most part.  The irony is that our drug use rate is really low and crime is pretty low as well.  We have no prison becasue if you commit a crime we handle it quickly and it is more likely that the the settlement will be about restitution rather than punishment.   We have a few jails but they are never occupied long term and usually only by violent offenders. The only capital (death penalty) crimes are murder and rape.  Yep, rape is a capital offense. Guess how much rape we have – very little.

Sexual issues involving ‘minors’ involve the  two families getting together and hashing it out about what the hell is going on.  The age of consent is 14 although we don’t prosecute teens who bang each other, we send them to sex education class and we have full sex education at age 10.  We do prosecute adults who have sex with minors but we take into account the age difference.  I mean a 15 year old getting horizontal with his 14 year old girlfriend is not going to be prosecuted but the parents might shoot you.  If you are four years older than the girl or guy your having sex with and they are 14 or under you might find yourself either accused of rape or sexual misconduct and that will lead to you being exiled for life, assuming the parents don’t kill you first, and that is considered justified homicide. In short behave around teenagers or their parents have a licence to kill and we expect the parents to watchdog their children’s sexual behavior and not the state.  The fact that everyone is probably armed makes everyone really polite around parents with underage teens.

I say all that to point out that we let a lot of things go, becasue most things are stupid to ruin people’s lives over by sending them to prison. We trust citizens to govern themselves.  It also means that family relations are what the family makes them, not what the state allows.  There are no marriage licences because the state is not involved in marriage.  My marriage to Tequila was in space and was purely spiritual (and well physical). We get home, we set the legalities of our relationship with a lawyer and that was that.

But tourists have one problem, many have an attitude that they have some right to dictate terms to other peoples morals or conduct. They believe they have the right to tell others what family, society and economy should be for others.  We don’t have that here, so it is hard for the average tourist to get over.

I hugged both my wives and they smiled at me and each other.  It had been a great date up til that last moment and let’s be honest chocolate and ice cream trump prejudice and bigotry every time.

Welcome to All Things Rabyd, your friendly neighborhood ‘clothing optional’ theology pub.  I, the Rabyd Theologian and your bartender, thank you for stopping by.  Please drink your theology responsibly or have a designated driver to get you home.  Please tip your waitress and they might give you a kiss on the cheek.  Just remember life is short so enjoy it.

Theology Pub – Little Red Riding Hood

Sometimes things don’t quite work out as you planned but that is OK. Tequila and I originally requested that maybe Margarita would train Connie in the use of pistols but to be frank that didn’t quite work out.  Connie just couldn’t get the hang of it so I told her to go try out everything and see if there was something she was good at as far as weapons.  If nothing else it kept her mind off things involving Lucy-fer.  She tried everything.  in the end though she found a couple things that she could work with – crossbows and knives.

The next few weeks she trained hard in firing her crossbow which was a small light model.  The Silver Shields actually had lots of these and they made her’s special order from parts of several.  She did set down with Margarita but it was about how to make different arrowheads with different substances that work well against vampires and other monsters.  In addition she learned to knife fight and she found that the larger Bowie knife fit her bill much better but she also had a knack for small throwing knives.  She trained nearly twelve hours a day except weekends.  Finally, one day she announced that she thought she was ready. So I found myself sitting outside the bathroom in the mansion with Tequila waiting for her to give us her new look for joining the fight.  When she finally came out my jaw fell open.

She was dressed in something resembling a lingerie outfit.  It had a corset type top, a bikini style bottom and stockings.  The things were leather of course and colored green.  The stockings were however red.  The boots were knee high and also green.  She had finger-less gloves that were red and she had a hooded cape over her shoulders that was also red.  The cape part only came over her shoulders but the hood definitely covered part of her face in shadow so it made her look mysterious.  She was bristling with knives.  The top of each stocking circles with a leather garter that had five throwing knives each on her left hip was a Bowie knife with a red hilt.  The crossbow was slung across her back and there was a belt quiver on the back of her belt in easy reach of her left hand behind the knife.  She flashed me a naughty smile.

“Well, its Little Red Riding Hood with a crossbow and knives.  The Big Bad Wolf never died at the hands of something so sexy.”

My words lightened the mood a little s both girls laughed.  Truth be told Connie was now more confident and quite frankly deadly.  She now could be considered a genuine asset for the Silver Shields.  I informed the central office and they listed her as an agent.  She hugged me when I told her the news.

“We need to try it out.  We need a mission that the three of us can do together.”

Connie was persistent and Tequila basically thought it was a great idea as well so I began to look at the reports.  I didn’t find anything at first but then I found a report about some mysterious activity down the coast at a resort.  The report was that there had been some suspected vampire activity that way and it has been slated for investigation but no team was available.

“OK, how about a honeymoon?  Vampire hunter style of course.”

The girls readily agreed.  It would be a good breakaway for all of us as we had never really done a honeymoon with all three of us.  The resort was one I had been to before for an overnight so I knew it was gorgeous and had great service.  It also had a honeymoon suite that at this time of year would probably be empty.

“Boss, we could go for two weeks.  The only problem I see is that the second week will be spring break season.”

That meant college kids for at least part of this excursion.  But that also had an interesting thought behind it.  Why would the vampires like the resort so much?  It might simply be that this was a good way to spread their disease.  it meant their really might be a Big Bad Wolf at the end of this thing.  I called and made reservations for two weeks in the honeymoon suite.

We packed up  for two weeks and left Colonel Gin in charge.  The driver loaded our car with our bags and we all got in.  Looks like we were in for an adventure after all.

Welcome to All Things Rabyd, your friendly neighborhood ‘clothing optional’ theology pub.  I, the Rabyd Theologian and your bartender, thank you for stopping by.  Please drink your theology responsibly or have a designated driver to get you home.  Please tip your waitress and they might give you a kiss on the cheek.  Just remember life is short so enjoy it.